So we're at the end, but at the same time...

Subject: So we're at the end, but at the same time... Mon Dec 07, 2009 9:48 pm

We're at the beginning.

Now, the older vets know what kind of shit I've dealt with in my life, and if they know they've probably read my autobiography.

Well, the sensation has come again, and I'm sick of life. For the past 6 days, (Today counts as the 6th), I've been plotting suicide all over again. This time, I know it'll work.

So long, B.P. Gaming, Love you all.
<3

don't be a fag

.......what?

I'm sure you'd atleast tell us the cause of this action?

Gee how I just can't stand people who don't find joy in life. My lives pretty much an on-eath hell ever since forever and I bet almost anyone else would be plotting suicide or would already have died - but fuck that shit, I say. Sure I can't exactly help it myself either, the though of "I want to die". But oh, I get over it.

Azure Flame wrote:: I'm sure you'd atleast tell us the cause of this action?

He did man i rather not say......

SCK[NU] wrote:: Gee how I just can't stand people who don't find joy in life. My lives pretty much an on-eath hell ever since forever and I bet almost anyone else would be plotting suicide or would already have died - but fuck that shit, I say. Sure I can't exactly help it myself either, the though of "I want to die". But oh, I get over it.

Okay i know your new here and all but i mean this in the nicest way possible
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
You have no idea what he has gone thru and you dont know whats going on right now in his life alright....
Sorry to blow up on you like that..but its true.

Claus wrote:: don't be a fag

He's not kidding take this seriously...

Robert_Russell wrote:: .......what?

You know what dont act stupid, hes actually serious!

Guys i talked too him yesterday and im keeping in touch with him...
Hes not gonna do it, hes gonna give it one more chance please guys lets support him,
Lets never leave his side cause he has been nothing but loyal too us and we have too be in return alright.
Lets all hope everything goes well for him alright.

Austin man please dont do this.

He's not doing himself in.

Blaze, We won't let him!

i hope your serious man, im sorry but i cant tell who's serious in this topic besides me and heavy....no offense

I've delt with this stuff before, a friend I had (we don't talk much anymore) was going through the same stuff. Constantly contemplating suicide and had to go to a hospital many times. Shes ok now. With the doctors and her friends helping, she's doing good now.

Austin (If I may call him that now) has a future, like the rest of us, we all go through hard times (perhaps not as severe as Austin's case) and we get through it. Whatever the case, I'm positive he can overcome this ordeal. If he (or you Blaze) could possibly explain or even summarize what the situation is (through post or pm is perfectly fine), I may be able to help.

Heavy is a funny guy, I would like to see him around here more often.

First I'll open this up by saying this probably would've been more suitable had it been in the Other section, as Spam isn't taken as serious of course. Just saying, it may have different results.

That aside, I know what it's like. There's something in my life that I don't wish to speak of, but when it happened, I was mentally wrecked for 4 months. I constantly found myself having breakdowns and considering suicide every day as things refused to get better. I even remember a time on another forum I came from where 2 of the admins kicked me while I was down because of my depression. I know it's hard to cope with things when stuff isn't going well and nothing good seems to appear on the horizon.

With that, I'm hoping that Heavy can find a way to keep himself together and hang in there. No one knows when things are going to get better, but let's all pitch in and help comfort him and give as much support as we can. Maybe we can make a difference in his life.

Well I know I dont know, but seriously, the thing is, life is shit, alot of the time. There's nothing you can do about that, its just how it is: It is up to you wether you choose to live with it or go blow your brains out - And I can't stand people who don't appriciate the fact they have the possiblity to effin live.

Heavy, Life Sucks. Please live through. It can get better.

SLAP A SAURUS wrote:: Heavy, Life Sucks. Please live through. It can get better.

plus you only have one life, so live it to the fullest

Alucard009 wrote:: First I'll open this up by saying this probably would've been more suitable had it been in the Other section, as Spam isn't taken as serious of course. Just saying, it may have different results.

That aside, I know what it's like. There's something in my life that I don't wish to speak of, but when it happened, I was mentally wrecked for 4 months. I constantly found myself having breakdowns and considering suicide every day as things refused to get better. I even remember a time on another forum I came from where 2 of the admins kicked me while I was down because of my depression. I know it's hard to cope with things when stuff isn't going well and nothing good seems to appear on the horizon.

With that, I'm hoping that Heavy can find a way to keep himself together and hang in there. No one knows when things are going to get better, but let's all pitch in and help comfort him and give as much support as we can. Maybe we can make a difference in his life.

You're shitting me.
There's no way that compares to the shit Heavy's been through.

SCK[NU] wrote:: Well I know I dont know, but seriously, the thing is, life is shit, alot of the time. There's nothing you can do about that, its just how it is: It is up to you wether you choose to live with it or go blow your brains out - And I can't stand people who don't appriciate the fact they have the possiblity to effin live.

Were you not told to shut the fuck up?

Best of luck, Heavy.

Kebin wrote:

SCK[NU] wrote:: Well I know I dont know, but seriously, the thing is, life is shit, alot of the time. There's nothing you can do about that, its just how it is: It is up to you wether you choose to live with it or go blow your brains out - And I can't stand people who don't appriciate the fact they have the possiblity to effin live.

Were you not told to shut the fuck up?

For realz. Shut the fuck up.
I understand where you're coming from, but all you're stating is crap we already know. We don't really need that state of obvious right now, kthxbai.
If you're not gonna help, don't bother typing shit. Find yourself another thread to dump all your problems and negativity in. This topic is not the place.

@ Blaze: Fact of the matter is, there's really nothing anyone can do or say to make Heavy feel better. We cannot support him entirely, we cannot give him advice. Everyone's just trying their best to lighten up the situation. We may be able to share our experiences and our shit hole of a life, but it will never be able to compare because everyone's own problem is weight differently.

A solider said that he's in the worse pain than anyone else because he lost an arm, another tries to argue that his pain is greater than his because he lost a leg. You cannot weight people's problem against your own, everyone has a different opinion, and that's what makes us human and individual.

We can say what we want and all we want, but nothing will change anything. So, all we can do is said something positive and hope that he'll share with us to let out whatever is weighting down his heart. We'll be here if you need a group hug, we'll be here to listen to your problems and do our best to understand it. All we can do is be here while hoping and praying that he'll be back, to being our Heavy who we love and adore so much.

@ Heavy: Everyone here is very concern about you, you should know that very well. And although I don't know what has happened or what has happened again, I'm here for you as well. If you need another input on something, and you feel that I can help, gimme a call.

Alucard009 wrote:: First I'll open this up by saying this probably would've been more suitable had it been in the Other section, as Spam isn't taken as serious of course. Just saying, it may have different results.

You're new too, shut the fuck up. Rolling Eyes

Spam is the home of EVERYTHING, and it's also the first place anyone reads. And no, the result should not be different. It doesn't matter where it is, members should learn to read each situations regardless of where the topic was placed. We have countless of other serious threads in the spam section, and only one gave the biggest impact that resulted with me posting like a wall of text =w=

@ Any future posters: Please stop bashing on other people's life stories... they are just trying to help. They are not comparing themselves to Heavy's life, but they are trying to share their wounds with him. All of us can only share our stories, and how we got through it... we can't help him get through it, all we can do is give him words of advice and encouragement.

Claus wrote:

SLAP A SAURUS wrote:: Heavy, Life Sucks. Please live through. It can get better.

plus you only have one life, so live it to the fullest

And suicide is the answer to ONE (Or many) problems. You can try to fix them, and things will get better over time. Personally Heavy, I love to see you around on these forums. Although I probably don't know the real Heavy that much (Or at all for the matter), I would like to. :c It would be a great loss if you decided to end your life at such an early age.

Sorry Asakura. I just thought it should be in Other, that's all. I didn't know you guys posted serious stuff in Spam too.

Just seriously though, please don't tell me to shut the f*** up when I'm just saying something. I really don't appreciate that, and if you want to tell me something, just say so. I was just saying a quick thought, I didn't want to get chewed out or anything.

But did you at least notice the other stuff? I'm on Heavy's side.

And Kebin, did you ignore every other thing in my post other than that? Fine, here's the explanation: What was happening was that while some people tried to help me, others mocked me and insulted me with stupid crap like "Life sucks, go to Hell or live with it." and all that other stuff that really doesn't help somebody feel better (kinda like what SCK is saying right now). I actually have prepped myself to do suicide at least 6 times since I know where my dad keeps his gun. Don't talk like you don't know what I've been through you little son of a...[Calms down]. Just knock it off.

And SCK, cut it out. We supported you when you said you were having tough times. You went through harsh stuff, and I tried to help you instead of talking scheisse, so don't come over here and start telling people stuff like that, especially when you hardly know them.

There, that's what I have to say.

Ehh, yeah, sorry. But anyways what my point is, suicide and all that crap is useless. Like some other guise already said, you only get to live once, and due that, you should live it to the fullest. Shit happens and will always happen, big shit, little shit, painful shit, plain shit. Just gotta kick is all to the curb and live on. Something better will always surely come up, even though it might not look like it, and alot of the time, it doesn't - and even if it truly doesn't, I say you still shouldn't give up on your life - instead, you should just learn to live with all of it and enjoy the life you got, even though it might not be all that awesome and great. "Kick the reason to the curb and do the impossible". We all have our rough times, just the way it is. No matter how hard it might be, I say it's still just not a good enough reason to loose your life.

Anyhow, you have my humble apoligies for the rudeness, I was a prick, truly. I will now shut the fuck up.

Asakura wrote:: Fact of the matter is, there's really nothing anyone can do or say to make Heavy feel better. We cannot support him entirely, we cannot give him advice. Everyone's just trying their best to lighten up the situation. We may be able to share our experiences and our shit hole of a life, but it will never be able to compare because everyone's own problem is weight differently.

A solider said that he's in the worse pain than anyone else because he lost an arm, another tries to argue that his pain is greater than his because he lost a leg. You cannot weight people's problem against your own, everyone has a different opinion, and that's what makes us human and individual.

We can say what we want and all we want, but nothing will change anything. So, all we can do is said something positive and hope that he'll share with us to let out whatever is weighting down his heart. We'll be here if you need a group hug, we'll be here to listen to your problems and do our best to understand it. All we can do is be here while hoping and praying that he'll be back, to being our Heavy who we love and adore so much.

I kinda changed his mind......
Hell i may sound like a pussy but i even told Heavy i started crying over all this....
Heavys really close too me when it comes to here, hes like my internet best friend/bro.
I feel like i know him in real life and well i didnt want too see him go out.
anyways yeah i know what you mean Asakura and im sorry too SCK[NU] shouldnt have blown up on you like that, but i was defending someone who i cant see be insulted or die like this alright, no hard feelings man.

Err, the shut the fuck up comment was directly to your comment of this topic being in the Other section. I apologize for not making myself clear.

And thank you for everyone's input, now can we fucking lock this thread? This is not doing anyone any good...

Yeah we can problem is solved, ill wait till heavy addresses you guys himself then i will lock.

Since this is in the spam section: Check your fucking inbox before I hurt you, Blaze >;O

@Blaze

Ahh its allright, happens to everyone.

Azure Flame wrote:: I've delt with this stuff before, a friend I had (we don't talk much anymore) was going through the same stuff. Constantly contemplating suicide and had to go to a hospital many times. Shes ok now. With the doctors and her friends helping, she's doing good now.

Austin (If I may call him that now) has a future, like the rest of us, we all go through hard times (perhaps not as severe as Austin's case) and we get through it. Whatever the case, I'm positive he can overcome this ordeal. If he (or you Blaze) could possibly explain or even summarize what the situation is (through post or pm is perfectly fine), I may be able to help.

Heavy is a funny guy, I would like to see him around here more often.

You, Azure, are one of a few people I will allow to call me Austin. I've known you a long ass time, and even though we've had disagreeances, I still appreciate your friendship.

Kaze wrote:: @ Heavy: Everyone here is very concern about you, you should know that very well. And although I don't know what has happened or what has happened again, I'm here for you as well. If you need another input on something, and you feel that I can help, gimme a call.

Truth is, I never really wanted people to be concerned. I appreciate your friendship as well, and I hope you know that.

@Kebin: Thanks for sticking up for me, but I don't think it was really needed. People can say what they want, I could really care less.

@Tiduseya:I know you didn't post in here, but I noticed your sig. Thanks, I guess, but I don't know. I'm just confused about it all.

@SCK:I understand you're a newbie, but really? Its all about perspective man, once you take a look at life from someone who doesn't find joy in it, you start to see the darker shades, and even the brightest shade becomes dull. I've made choices in the past that effect my entire life, regardless of what I do. I can't just, "Kick it to the curb", because this shit will follow me forever.

@Alucard:I don't really know what to say to you. Well, first I'd like to address the Other vs Spam bit. I always post important things in spam, because anywhere else is likely to be overlooked. I didn't want people wondering where I went, or why I was gone, just because no one bothered to read an Other topic, or whever I would put it. Secondly, about your prepped thoughts of suicide, just knowing where a gun is, and toying with the thought of death, is nothing like the actuall attempt. There isn't a single feeling in the world like that of knowing this will be your last breath. It's releasing. Freeing even. But when you wake up again, the sense of sorrow and dissappointment for still being alive is terrible. Enough to make you want to end it all again. It's like a pit of quicksand, with no one around to hear the cries for help.

@Slap: Yeah, you probably don't know me all that well, but it's only human nature to want to get to know someone. Also, most people can't stomach the thought of another person kiling themselves off.

@Claus:Being back in a somewhat stable state of conciousness, I lol'd at your comment about being a fag. You're the man.

Thats alot of text I'm not deleting from a quote on from my Wii so pretend I quoted your reply to me >_>....

Till the end man. ;D Just like Tiduseya, you and Austin (thats odd to say instead of Heavy lol) are definantly my comrades. It would be pretty cool to meet in real life huh? Guess thats a day to look forward to. Wink

You should hear the countless arguments me and Tiduseya every day. "Thats stupid" "Stop hacking!" "Your a fuckin' critic" Its so hilarious.