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Kazuo Kiriyama
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PostSubject: Untitled (Title in working)   Sun Oct 12, 2008 2:41 pm

This is a story me and Tiduseya have been working on. He came up with the basic idea, people get revenge, and I wrote it all. Characters names and other minor details may be subject to change. Remember people, constructive critizism, don't just say I suck.

Also, for some reason, I can't use the tab button here -.- So the paragraphs will be screwed up.

Chapter 1-3: Post 1
Chapter 4-6: Post 2
Chapter 7: Post 3

----------------------------------------------------------

Prologue

There once was a land, filled with lush green forests, a strong economy, and a powerful leader. Deep in this land was a village. Feldor. In this village was a family of three. A mother, a father, and a young boy of fourteen named Crimson. Crimson was a playful and hardworking child. Everyday, Crimson would kick a ball around with some friends for a short while and when time came, he headed back to his home to help his father with some manual labor such as collecting wood or helping around the house. Every now and then he would go help his mother with simple tasks. Crimson’s mother was unfortunately stuck with a horrible illness. When things seemed wrong, Crimson headed a short way down the road to where there was a house with a family of four, three of which were experienced in potions and spells. A mother, a father, a baby of three, and a girl of twelve named Rena. Crimson would explain the situation and Rena or the mother would make the required potion to help his mother’s illness. Crimson and Rena were very good friends and spent a lot of time together.
One unfaithful day came along. Dark clouds few in. Something’s wrong. In the distance a man was walking, followed by an army of soldiers. Before long, the village was in ruins. Fires everywhere. Destruction. One soldier coated in a full black armor suit, probably of a higher authority, busted through Crimson’s house, annihilating his father and mother before his very eyes. There they lay, cold bodies on the floor, never to return. Crimson ran away as fast as he could, hoping to survive. Tears were pouring from his eyes. The same fate happened to Rena. The village was overtaken. With the leader assassinated, and the slaughter at an end, a new tyrant took the throne. “This village is ours!” The tyrant exclaimed. Only two survived. Crimson and Rena. Alone. Vengeful.


Chapter 1: A Chance

Six years later… The tyrant’s land was beginning to slowly crumble. Citizens running rampant and far too many crimes being committed. Something had to be done. He had an idea, one that could cost him his life…
Far away in another land, Kovakia, Crimson and Rena had found their way to the land about half a year after their escape. They lived in this land helping the people with daily tasks, they stayed under the care of a kind man whose looks were comparable to Crimson’s dad. Every day during breaks, Crimson and Rena sparred in the woods nearby, hoping to one day avenge the awful event six years ago. Crimson with his sword, Silon, which was forged by one of the villagers to help in any kind of dangerous situation, and Rena with her spells, together they practiced to become stronger. After every match, they returned to the land battered with torn clothes and a smile on their faces. One day, a letter arrived at Crimson’s door.
- If you want to avenge your village, come and face my army.-
- King Dalgon –
It was what Crimson and Rena had been waiting for, a chance. They felt they had the skill and strength. Fate awaited them.

Chapter 2: Goodbye

Crimson and Rena needed to make final preparations before leaving. They finished up any last requests the villagers had. The man they both stayed with offered to make them some clothes more suitable for their mission rather than their current apparel. Crimson and Rena stood at the entrance to the village.
“We want to thank each and every one of you who took us in your care these past years.” Crimson said. Random shouts of “Your welcome” and “good luck” were heard from the villagers. Waving a final goodbye to the people to the people who took them in their hands, they left.
“I hope they’ll be alright…” Muttered the man they stayed with. Little did Crimson and Rena know, a tough battle was ahead.

Chapter 3: Arrival

After a few short breaks, Crimson and Rena made it back to the crumbling Feldor. Crimson’s eyes widened at shock at the scene which was once his home. Rena slyly took care of two soldiers at the entrance with a spell. They carefully entered, Crimson at the front. Sneaking around, they noticed there was a larger tower now in the center of the town where the village square used to be.
“That’s probably w here that cruel king is at.” Rena said.
“Yeah.” Crimson agreed. After some more looking around, Rena noticed Crimson was acting strange. A fire was perhaps burning in his eyes. Revenge. Without notice, Crimson charged.
“Wait!” Rena yelled. Left and right, soldiers and guards were falling.
“Long live the king!” Each one said before they died. It was pure bloodshed. Rena tried to keep up, removing any soldiers he missed.
“Twilight Slash!” Crimson yelled. He jumped into the air coming down in a twirling motion. Another guard fell.
“Isn’t that a little over doing it Crimson?” Rena asked.
“Be quiet…”
Rena stood back, worried. Every guard and soldier was shortly disposed of. The tower remained, Crimson and Rena headed on. Their revenge, soon to be fulfilled.


Last edited by Golden Ike on Sun Oct 12, 2008 2:51 pm; edited 2 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled (Title in working)   Sun Oct 12, 2008 2:43 pm

Chapter 4: A fierce battle! Rest in piece…

The inside was about the same as the outside, stone bricks made the walls. Pictures laying tribute to the king seen on the walls.
“Wow, this place seems so much larger on the inside.” Rena stated.
“Whatever, let’s just end this.”
Two guards blocked the next door ahead of them.
“Halt! State your name and purpose for being here!”
“Vak rain!” Rena cast a spell. Shortly above one guards head, a floating flame appeared. Suddenly, balls of fire shot down at the guar, he fell in a blaze. Crimson charged at the other guard.
“Burning rush!” Crimson dashed at the remaining guard. Silon caught ablaze. Crimson unsheathed a flurry of slashes. In no more than ten seconds, the guards fell.
“Long live the king!” These guards said as well before death.
“Pathetic, lets move on.”
“Right.” Rena agreed. They opened the next door, a tall staircase awaited them. “What do you thinks next?” Rena pondered.
“That’s not important. As long as every person pays for what they’ve done, I’ll be content.”
They opened another door with similar designs as the last door. Shapes of symbols resembling a knight’s helmet. Behind it awaited a familiar figure. Clad in black armor and a sword about equal size with Silon. Crimson’s eyes opened in shock. It was the same soldier who’d slain their families.
“Halt! I am General Zyden! Why are you here?”
Crimson stepped forward. “You’re the one who murdered two families six years ago aren’t you?!”
“Perhaps, or perhaps not, why does that matter to you huh?
“You killed my family you bastard!” Crimson charged. He jumped into the air and came down at incredible speed like lightning bolt. “Rai Slam!” Crimson yelled as he came down, Silon electrically charged. “What!?” His attack was blocked by Zyden’s sword being held shortly above his head.
“Pathetic, nice try though.” Zyden pushed his sword up, thrusting Crimson into the air. Zyden jumped and slammed Crimson into the wall behind Rena by nearly piercing his stomach with the hilt of the sword. Blood shot out of Crimson’s mouth as he brutally hit the wall and fell. Zyden landed.
“Crimson!” Rena then turned to Zyden, “You monster!” As Rena moved her hands in an unfamiliar motion, Zyden pondered what was next. “Immobilize!” Suddenly Zyden found himself unable to move. “Gan tempest!” Rena yelled as a gust of wind much like a very small tornado formed around Zyden. Bricks were ripped from the floor and shot at Zyden’s armor, weakening it. One brick flew at Zyden’s helmet and knocked it off. “Crimson! Now is your chance!” Rena said. Crimson has recovered midway through Rena’s spells.
“Ryukoden!” Crimson yelled as he dashed as Zyden again. Crimson gripped Silon tightly as he thrust it vertically from the bottom to the top of Zyden’s armor, slicing it in half. Once Silon reached the top, Crimson jumped into the air. Coming down on Zyden’s helmet less head, Silon was stabbed directly into the top of it.
“Long live the king…” He said with his last dieing breath. It was over.
Crimson pulled Silon out and stepped back as the Dark Knight General fell to the ground. Crimson tilted his head up and closed his eyes, as did Rena.
“Rest in piece…” Both Crimson and Rena said in sync. Rena looked over at Crimson seeing he still had some injuries.
“Pha Life!” Rena said as she cast a healing spell of sorts. Crimson’s wounds slowly recovered. A few moments later the two were ready to get back in action. They walked past Zyden’s body and continued to the door behind him.

Chapter 5: Battle of the arcane arts

Walking up the stairs, the two wondered who they would face next.
“I’m glad we avenged our families’ deaths but whose next?” Rena asked.
“I have no idea, nor do I care. I just hope it’s the man who started all of this.”
“Yeah.”
Nearing the top of the stairs, the two saw the next door. It had a crown shaped design on it.
“This has to be it.” Crimson said. He busted through the door, closely followed by Rena. “This is the end…” He paused. “What?” The figure turned around. To Crimson’s shock, it wasn’t the man, but a woman. The queen.
“What is this nonsense?” The queen said angrily.
“Who are you?” Rena asked.
“I am Queen Saphira! But that’s not important, why did you barge in here and how did you pass my guards!”
“That’s not important either. All that matters is you die today!” Crimson exclaimed, gripping Silon and preparing to charge.
“No, Crimson, Move ahead. I’ll stay and fight her, something seems strange about her. You go ahead to fight the king.” Rena interrupted.
“You sure you can handle it alone?”
“I hope so…”
“Be careful Rena…” Crimson dashed at Saphira and jumped over, passing through the door behind her.
“How dare you!” Saphira said angered. “Anivak Rain! She shouted.
“Rairue Rain!” Rena countered. A ball of dark fire appeared above Saphira and a ball of electric water appeared above Rena. Instantly, dark fire and electric water was shot at each other, each strike canceling the other out.
“Ani dart!” Saphira shouted, catching Rena off guard. A small dart shape of dark energy was shot at Rena, hitting her in the shoulder and caused her to loosen her spell. The dark fire shot through the electric water, pummeling Rena into the floor. The damage wasn’t deadly critical but insanely painful.
“I’m not giving up…” Rena said silently. “Gan pierce!” From the floor, a few stone tiles rose up and formed a very sharp spear. The spear flew at Saphira, piercing her in the left leg. Saphira fell to her knees, gripping her leg in pain.
“You damn witch! I’ll send you to hell!” Saphira yelled.
“Then I’ll take you with me!” Rena replied.
“Ani tomb arrow!”
“Rai pure arrow!”
The two cast their strongest spells, a dark arrow formed in front of Saphira, as did a lightning arrow in front of Rena. Within seconds the two arrows fired. Saphira couldn’t move because of the injury in her leg, and Rena was to battered to dodge. Silence. Both were shot directly in the heart.
“Long live the king…!” Saphira said in her last dieing breath. She then died.
“Crimson, please, don’t let my death be in vain…” Rena said silently. He eyed closed, followed by a single tear. Death was a cruel thing…

Chapter 6: A final battle

Midway through Rena’s battle, Crimson reached the last door. It had a crown similar to the queen’s door, but with a slightly different design. The door opened by itself.
“I’m ending this once and for all.” Crimson said. On the other side of the room, the king sat on his throne. He was equipped with a suit of armor, he was also wielding a sword with his symbol on the hilt. Crimson charged. “You bastard!” The battle began instantly. Crimson jumped, coming down on the king with immense force.
“Finally, a rebellion? Heh…” the king said. The king stood and held his sword to block Crimson. Silon came down on the king’s blade, causing a shockwave to emit from the clash. “I am King Dalgon, and who is my fated opponent?” Dalgon exclaimed. The swords still in a clash, Dalgon tossed Crimson into a wall. Not giving up, Crimson got back to his feet. Silon in hand, Crimson charged. Dalgon prepared his blade for a horizontal slash. When Crimson got close, Dalgon went for the slash. Crimson ducked down and did a low kick followed by a hit to Dalgon’s jaw with the hilt of Silon. Dalgon was knocked into the air a few feet. As he came down, Crimson prepared for a follow up combo.
“Dragon’s Rage!” Crimson yelled. Instantly, Crimson unleashed a flurry of slashes. Dalgon’s armor was filled with scratches and a crack in the chest. Dalgon regained stability.
“Such strength from a youth, how impressive.” Dalgon said. He then lifted his sword and charged.
“Fool…” Crimson said, as he prepared for a crescent kick. Once Dalgon began to bring his blade on him, Crimson brought his right leg up and kicked the sword out of Dalgon’s hand. Crimson then brought his leg back and kicked Dalgon directly at the crack on his chest plate. “Enough!” Crimson yelled as he brought his hand up to Dalgon’s chest. “Shockwave!” Crimson shot Dalgon straight through the top of his throne and into the wall behind him using a burst of energy his hand. Dalgon fell to his knees as his armor crumbled off. Crimson casually walked up to Dalgon.
“You haven’t answered me.” Dalgon stated, blood dripping from his mouth.
“I am the child you let survive the village attack six years ago. Now, you’ll pay.”
“I just wanted to help…” Dalgon whispered.
“Long live the king my ***!” Crimson brought Silon down upon Dalgon’s head. Defeat.
Crimson stepped back to walk away when he noticed Dalgon’s throne. Glancing at it, he saw a book resting on the arm of it. The book was titled ‘Memoir of a King’. Crimson grabbed the book and flipped it to the first page. It read…

~It’s my first day on the job but I’m not sure
I can fulfill the expectations of my citizens.~

Crimson flipped a few more pages.

~So far everything is going well, however a
certain something is missing. An evil. I guess
I’m going to have to be the necessary evil of
these divided lands.~

“Hmm…” Crimson flipped to the most recent entry.

~It appears my loyal companions have been
defeated. My beautiful wife has met the same
fate. My successor is currently on his way up
the stairs.~

Crimson set the book back down. “I suppose this makes me the new king…” he said. Footsteps were heard on the other side of the door. Crimson turned and pointed his sword at the door. The door opened and an unfamiliar face stepped in. He was dressed in a white garb and seemed very old and weak. “And who might you be?” Crimson asked.
“My name is not of importance, but most know me as the ‘Sage of Ages’.”
“Ok ‘Sage’, why are you here?”
“As you may already know, you are to take the role as the king of these lands. Before that, there is something you must see. Come, follow me down the stairs.”
Crimson and the sage left the king’s room and headed down the stairs towards the queen’s room.
“Rena!” Crimson had almost forgotten. He rushed ahead of the sage to open the queen’s door. “No… this can’t happen…” Rena was lying against the wall. Lifeless… “Rena!” Crimson went over to hold her in her arms. “Why did you do this alone…?” Shortly after, the sage made his way into the room.
“You know, the queen and king had a similar relationship that you and the girl you hold in your hands had.”
“Rena…”
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled (Title in working)   Sun Oct 12, 2008 2:44 pm

Chapter 7: An honorable farewell

One week later. Civilians from around the divided lands have gathered to celebrate the death of the king. They have also gathered at the cemetery to honor the death of a best friend. A low roar emitting from the crowd. A bell was rung, everyone turns toward the casket in the front atop the stairs. Crimson walks up from behind. Armored in the king’s suit which was fixed by one of the villagers, and without a word, Silon is held into the air. The crowd is enshrouded in silence.
“I returned here seeking revenge, whether it was for the right or wrong reasons. I have completed what I set out to do, but at a costly price.” Crimson stated. The crowd still silent. “I am Crimson, I am your king, and I will protect this land!” he exclaimed as he swung Silon down at an angle.
“Long live the king! Long live the king!” The crowd chanted.
“Rena, you will be missed, but never forgotten…” Crimson whispered. A tear was shed, landing atop the casket. “Your death was not in vain…”

-----------------------

Characters names and other minor details may be subject to change. Remember people, constructive critizism, don't just say I suck.

_________________
April 17, 2010. 6:35 PM.

The thing I cared for the most... has left my life...

Monster Hunter Tri Data
Character Name :......: Kazuo
Hunter ID :...............: MTGZYG
Hunter Rank :...........: 230+
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled (Title in working)   Sat Oct 18, 2008 2:19 pm

good story
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled (Title in working)   Sat Oct 18, 2008 5:15 pm

I lol'd about the above statment. So much work and all he gets is "good work"
no offense, just thought it was funny.
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled (Title in working)   Sat Oct 18, 2008 7:37 pm

Well its a hell of alot better than the criticism I'm getting on MG.

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PostSubject: Re: Untitled (Title in working)   Sat Oct 18, 2008 8:09 pm

what are you talking about me
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled (Title in working)   Sat Oct 18, 2008 10:14 pm

yes
@g ike. people are asses/bitches on mcleod. thats why blaze made this forum were only us ike fans and other *wish we were ike fanz* can come here without bealth cusing their asses off just to get alot of posts couts.
btw good story
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled (Title in working)   Sat Oct 18, 2008 10:21 pm

johnnyg5646 wrote:
yes
@g ike. people are asses/bitches on mcleod. thats why blaze made this forum were only us ike fans and other *wish we were ike fanz* can come here without bealth cusing their asses off just to get alot of posts couts.
btw good story
Well its not nessisarilly "Jerkish" criticism that I get, but rather criticism saying I need improvement and where that improvement goes.

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April 17, 2010. 6:35 PM.

The thing I cared for the most... has left my life...

Monster Hunter Tri Data
Character Name :......: Kazuo
Hunter ID :...............: MTGZYG
Hunter Rank :...........: 230+
Offline Story :...........: 100% Complete
Favorite Weapon :.....: Greatsword
Keyboard :................: Yes


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PostSubject: Re: Untitled (Title in working)   Sat Oct 18, 2008 10:26 pm

hmmm.....
(btw, ur sig 4got meh as ur bro)
ok. better than I have ever done and ever will. i have no critisizm. :ike:
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled (Title in working)   Sat Oct 18, 2008 10:30 pm

johnnyg5646 wrote:
hmmm.....
(btw, ur sig 4got meh as ur bro)
ok. better than I have ever done and ever will. i have no critisizm. :ike:
Thats because you don't fit, not enough character count, but to make it fair I removed Ashante from sig so no brothers or sister in it. BTW....WHOTHEFUXMYMOM?

Also, thanks for the compliments.

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April 17, 2010. 6:35 PM.

The thing I cared for the most... has left my life...

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Character Name :......: Kazuo
Hunter ID :...............: MTGZYG
Hunter Rank :...........: 230+
Offline Story :...........: 100% Complete
Favorite Weapon :.....: Greatsword
Keyboard :................: Yes


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PostSubject: Re: Untitled (Title in working)   Sat Oct 18, 2008 10:33 pm

ur mom iz........
*50 spaces below*
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled (Title in working)   Sun Oct 19, 2008 6:50 pm

I was saying your story is awsome.
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled (Title in working)   Sun Oct 19, 2008 6:53 pm

johnnyg5646 wrote:
yes
@g ike. people are asses/bitches on mcleod. thats why blaze made this forum were only us ike fans and other *wish we were ike fanz* can come here without bealth cusing their asses off just to get alot of posts couts.
btw good story

I am a Ike fan to tell you the truth, he's the only person I use on Super Smash Bros. Brawl! But I'm not as mush of a fan as you guys.
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled (Title in working)   Sun Oct 19, 2008 7:10 pm

Sniper308 wrote:
johnnyg5646 wrote:
yes
@g ike. people are asses/bitches on mcleod. thats why blaze made this forum were only us ike fans and other *wish we were ike fanz* can come here without bealth cusing their asses off just to get alot of posts couts.
btw good story

I am a Ike fan to tell you the truth, he's the only person I use on Super Smash Bros. Brawl! But I'm not as mush of a fan as you guys.
That was some pretty random spam... try not to do it again.

@Smash4Brawl: Thanks.

_________________
April 17, 2010. 6:35 PM.

The thing I cared for the most... has left my life...

Monster Hunter Tri Data
Character Name :......: Kazuo
Hunter ID :...............: MTGZYG
Hunter Rank :...........: 230+
Offline Story :...........: 100% Complete
Favorite Weapon :.....: Greatsword
Keyboard :................: Yes


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Sniper308
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled (Title in working)   Sun Oct 19, 2008 7:12 pm

Golden Ike wrote:
Sniper308 wrote:
johnnyg5646 wrote:
yes
@g ike. people are asses/bitches on mcleod. thats why blaze made this forum were only us ike fans and other *wish we were ike fanz* can come here without bealth cusing their asses off just to get alot of posts couts.
btw good story

I am a Ike fan to tell you the truth, he's the only person I use on Super Smash Bros. Brawl! But I'm not as mush of a fan as you guys.
That was some pretty random spam... try not to do it again.

@Smash4Brawl: Thanks.

My bad, just letting you guys know. Great story by the way.
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled (Title in working)   Sun Oct 19, 2008 7:17 pm

Sniper308 wrote:
Golden Ike wrote:
Sniper308 wrote:
johnnyg5646 wrote:
yes
@g ike. people are asses/bitches on mcleod. thats why blaze made this forum were only us ike fans and other *wish we were ike fanz* can come here without bealth cusing their asses off just to get alot of posts couts.
btw good story

I am a Ike fan to tell you the truth, he's the only person I use on Super Smash Bros. Brawl! But I'm not as mush of a fan as you guys.
That was some pretty random spam... try not to do it again.

@Smash4Brawl: Thanks.

My bad, just letting you guys know. Great story by the way.
Alright, thanks.

:ike:

_________________
April 17, 2010. 6:35 PM.

The thing I cared for the most... has left my life...

Monster Hunter Tri Data
Character Name :......: Kazuo
Hunter ID :...............: MTGZYG
Hunter Rank :...........: 230+
Offline Story :...........: 100% Complete
Favorite Weapon :.....: Greatsword
Keyboard :................: Yes


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