Episode 7: A not so love problem.

; ^ ; This is why I hate fuckin' family dinners.... they start getting into my business. I understand that they are family and that they have a place for that, but the fact that I'm not doing well and they're picking on me makes me want to slaughter them. I get that I'm twenty-one, no job, not a full time student, okay? I know the situation I am in, I placed myself into it after all. It's my own fucking situation, how can I not fucking know? You don't need to state it, it's obvious to me.

"Oh look, your cat just got ran over by a car." =/ Really, I didn't notice because I was too busy crying my eyes out... asshole.

So pretty much, my family ruined the second half of my fuckin' birthday. Why did we have to have a family dinner, fuck them. Learn to shut the fuck up, kthx. At least wait until after my birthday to start roasting me over the fuckin' fire, douchebags.

Analyzing me, suggesting jobs to me... I know they're trying to help, but I am currently too busy realizing that I'm finally twenty one... I don't need life problems yet. Can't I tackle them one at a time by myself, in my own time? Fuck you.

So, it was pretty much them suggesting jobs in Hong Kong and who I can follow. That part, I didn't mind... sure, I have issues with being in Hong Kong, but if it will land me a job, sure why the hell not. However, it's when they start tackling my personality. GAAAH! D< Shut the fuck up, I don't need an attitude readjustment. I'm fine just the way I am, I don't want to act happy like there's nothing wrong with me when there is. That's why society is full of fucked up people with fucked up personalities. What's the point of concealing my feelings in front of my family. They're supposed to take all of me, when I'm happy, when I'm pissed, and when I'm moody.

I'm not stupid enough to wear my usual game face to a business position. I know what they want to see. It's all the same, you have to smile despite bad times. Sure, I can do that... but if I have to bring a business face when I'm with family, then I rather not have family then =/ What's the point of seeing them or having them when I can't even be my fucking self without them saying shit about me?

Family = business? Yeah, I guess I should see it that way. I already use them as it is, might as well go all the way now, eh? Smile when they critic something I didn't ask for, smile when they say I'm fat and should lose weight, smile when they say I'm too short, smile when they shoot down my dreams.... so, who can I show my sorrows to? Who will comfort me when I'm weak? If I show my weakness, I will just add another thing for them to say... if I can't turn to my family, who can I turn to? =/ Friends are even more strangers than family. Why must life be so fucked up?

.__." It's times like these that I think leaving would solve everything. I finally know why so many people consider it, and why some did it. It's definitely not a good feeling, and I will never understand how they manage to pull through with it. Despite this feeling, I will never want to leave anything behind. My talents, my art, my pillows (shuddup, I love mah pillows ;<), my clothes, my manga (all 400+ of them), my items on Gaia, my inspirations............ all material things, sure, but they are my anchor. Doesn't everyone have anchors?? Things they won't or don't want to leave behind?