Welcome to Life.
It is pretty pointless, once you really think about it. Get up, work, live... and for what? I am totally not helping with the negative aspect you are having, so I'll end my thoughts with: do you have something in mind that you will enjoy doing as work?
After twenty-one years. After being tossed through loops after loops because these adults are just tossing suggestions they "think" is the best for me.... after all that crap and bullshit... I am back where I started. Down the artist path - w -;;