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You can have this.

[Hands Slap a magically modified MP40]

...Where do you get these from Alan?

Does that matter? You have a magical gun, and that's what counts!

Well, then, if you're going to go cheap, I'm going to go Dutch cheap, too.

I ready my personal, custom sword I forged myself to withstand all manner of matter and magic, be lightweight, heavy, thin, and medi-length, and swing it about me in split seconds (akin to Metaknight) to block every bullet fired (akin to Deadpool).

>-Guns don't work on me!-<

*fires shotgun filled with bird shot*

-Throws Egg at-

[Throws Jarate]

Bombs away!

*deflects*
*stops short*
*absorbs HP*

you can't deflect 1000 BBs flying at over 100 miles an hour!

(Wide blade/shield, magic barrier, solid-skin....)

*throws in cage*

*slips out *

[Plugs in a Dr. Insano Anti Magic Field Generator Kit that eliminates the magic barrier and ties Rey to a wooden post]

Now's the part where I start making people paranoid.

[Turns on a radio that starts playing "Stuck in the Middle With You" and pulls out his butterfly knife and flips it open]

*shoots Rey with a tank shell*

*watches it all happen*

*watches beside slap*

*immobilized*
*354 damage*
*uses a Personal Pizza/recovers 300 HP*
*reiterates mad sword skills*

-Watches more-

BEHOLD!

[Runs up to Rey, summons 5 ghost hands, and Alan and the hands punch Rey hundreds of times before Alan jumps back and throws one punch with the hands that hits Rey and break the wooden post]

DIVINE RAGE!

*3xx damage*
If that's the case, I'll have to do something....

I'm going to summon....
A) Shoop da Whoop
B) Hentakraken
or
C) Hector with Armads.

If I do A, it's cliche.
If I do B, it's ineffective because you're a guy.
If I do C...??

Summon: Hector of Ostia!

Hector: "What the hell did you do to me!?"
T: "Huh? Does summoning hurt or something?"
Hector: "This world...there is no substance! I can fee--ah, can not feel anything here!"
T: "We can all survive here. Why don't you help me out in combat real quick? You can go back to Ostia later or something."
Hector: "Okay...but when I get back, I'm suing you for summoning someone else's character."
T: "Hey, at least you're somewhat widely recognized. I don't think most people know the Hentakraken...."
Hector: "Wha--? Oh, whatever."

(Blessing of the 8 Generals I plays)
(Hector smashes the ground with his legendary axe)
(Hector rushes forward)
(Hector chops Alan going up, and helmsplits him going down)
(Hector drank a coke returned to Ostia to sue TKoT)

T: "...screw it. Next time, it's Hentakraken for sure."

(Oops, my slow computer made me double post. Skip to next post, please!)

[Gets hurt like in a fighting game where even though it's a bloody big blade it only seems to knock them around]

HOW CAN THIS BE?!?!

[Recovers]

THERE'S NOWHERE TO RUN!!!

Alan grabs the back of Rey's head, knees him in the face with both of his legs alternating quickly, then he does an uppercut with his ghost hands to launch Rey in the air, then jumps off of his ghost hands. In the air, Alan summons several ghost hands and they punch Rey in midair, sending him to the ground, then Alan lands on Rey's back and stomps him.

PANZERFAUST!!!

{That was a lot of "then"s. I gotta work on my writing.}

So much...creativity, and lack ereof!
I will use the Power Copier. Sounds cheap, but really, it's not too unlike a Kirby or Ditto.

T takes his sword and makes a straight-lined pointer of it to point at Alan (using right hand). He raises his left eyebrow up and he raises his right eyebrow down and he flicks his left hand up to make white-colored (not White) magic appear, and from the end of his pointing T-Blade, a thin but heavy beam that shines with all colors (and consecutively no color at all) is released which seems to pierce Alan and knock him back a few meters. All of Alan's color is gone from his body in gouts, and he's left as an outline; the color flies to T, recoloring him, then returns to refill Alan.

T emerges as Talan, ATal, AnaT, or whatever he decides to call this one.

Then he says,

WE CAN ALWAYS WALK, YOU KNOW!!!

T holds the top of Alan's skull, headbutts him in the cheeks with his hair alternating quickly, then he does a forward punch with his soul hands to send Alan even more meters away, then rushes forward with a push from his soul hands. Down the road, T has the hands pick up and throw rocks at Alan in midflight, sending him skyward, then T stands under Alan's torso and Star-Punches him.

PLAGIARISM!!!

{That was a lot of editing. I could never pass that on as a writing assignment.}

Holy crap how long is this movie -Looks at watch-